After being sick for the last two days with who knows what, last night I reached a sort of epiphany.
I posted and subsequently removed a post this week about joining the “6 items or less” challenge. I was quite excited about the challenge but in retrospect I can see now I was also conflicted and reserved. After all, I already have a tiny wardrobe now after having to throw everything out from the mold, and I lived with 2 items or less in the early days. Then over the next few days, I read a post here by Julie and then here by Dixibelle, and on top of that have been feeling very tired, flat & extremely unwell.
Little B & I went to a kids crafty session at the library yesterday which I normally love (the library lady is seriously brilliant). I just couldn’t feel the love or enjoyment. In fact, my fragile ego was further sunk by some fellow mummies who implied that I wasn’t doing enough for Little B because we didn’t do the same fantastically outrageous and expensive things they’d done for their kidlets over the school holidays thus far.
So last night I re-checked out a blog by Tracey Clark and her “I am enough” self-kindness collaborative. And that’s when it hit me “I am enough”. This collaborative blog spoke to me at some deep fundamental level - I need to stop guilting myself about my life and my choices, to stop comparing my journey to that of others, to be free to enjoy my life.
I don’t need to drive myself into the doldrums striving to be the ultimate “winner” of some purity eco lifestyle brigade / challenge / competition. I just want to be me and my life to be a great representation of me - the real me. I want my lifestyle choices to be made from passion and interest. To bring me peace and in some sense happiness, not made from constant feelings of not being good or worthy enough.
I’m a good mama, wife, friend…we choose to live the way we do because we love it…because we want to make a difference to our lives, our child, your lives and the planet. As one lady said "live a life your proud of" - and that's what yesterday gave me. The discovery and the spark to move back towards authenticity - the authentic me.
I am enough! *hugs to me*