Real Boys

Do you ever find that at certain times you read certain things in a sort of Perfect Storm kind of way?? That happened to me recently. As the mum of a young boy and with a background interest in psychology, I’m often interested in articles / books / theories about parenting boys. So firstly I read this in The Age (it's since been removed from their website). The next day I found a book called Real Boys at the library. And then tripped across this TED talk - I’m now a huge devotee of Sir Ken Robinson and his take on education. So of course I went on to read his book The Element.

I liked the first article mainly because it pointed out that educating boys is different and that we currently have a very feminized form of education (mainly sit still and learn by talking). What I didn’t like was the assumption that all boys are rough and violent and operate in a bang bang kind of way.

I’ve read Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph and liked it but it was still sort of ho hum. Yes parenting boys is different but I didn’t get much from it, more really from chatting to other parents about it. Then came Real Boys. I loved/love this book and heartily recommend it to any parents of boys.

It’s written by Dr William Pollack – a ground breaking researcher at Harvard Medical school who has been researching boys for more than thirty years. Real Boys explores the myths of boyhood and the “silent crisis” of why so many boys are sad, lonely and confused about the conventional expectations of manhood.

This book quite simply blew me away. It covers all age groups (preschoolers, school age, adolescence), covers parenting as a mother and a father, schooling – you name it. And I really feel it has a) changed the way I tackle certain parenting needs and issues and also b) made me feel quite strong and passionate about advocating for my son in the education system (which he starts next year).

I’m not one to buy books these days, but I went out and bought this one immediately, even though I was only half way through the book. It offers tips and guides so that you parent within your own family but how to avoid alienating your son and help make him resilient and strong (and not in the rough and tumble mans man way of The Age article). Emotionally strong, supported, educated to make decisions about life!!

And then came The Element. Sir Ken Robinson’s 3 talks on TED are worth watching if you have children in the education system. Actually they are just worth watching full stop. So I borrowed his first book from the library. His take on creativity and “education” is sublime, not to mention all the different people he spoke to and their stories. People who have succeeded in so many different areas not typically mainstream cookie cutter education. And his focus on creativity shows its success in things like science and maths as well.

Again it’s a book that has made me appreciate my son so differently. Little B has a tendency to make piles of crap  make interesting structures out of odds and ends and his toys. After reading The Element, his tendency to collect every rubber band and make these miscellaneous structures shows itself as creativity not unlike those used by sculptor mentioned in the book.

These three books have been so eye opening to me in such a tremendous way. I like things that make me think more, think outside the box and make me feel confident in my choices.  I like a Perfect Storm, it can be a game changer :-)

School Readiness

School readiness is a hot topic right about now. Everywhere we seem to go people are talking about it...kindy, the library, play dates, even people I dont even know at the supermarket have spoken to me about it.

We made the decision early on to send Little B to school when he is 6. This was for a variety of reasons not least that Mr B & I were young ones during our final years of school (in my case, seriously younger). This had quite dramatic repercussions for Mr B in the form of being badly bullied and also my younger brother struggled at school because he wasnt ready for the sit down, be quiet aspect of school at 5.

We also based our decision on discussions with preschool teachers, research overseas, after seeing talks about school readiness by Kathy Walker and also on reflection that due to a trend in Victoria to send boys later, if Little B did go at 5 he would be a year younger than 60% of the boys in his class. But ultimately, I believe that Little B deserves another year of freedom to grow, play, learn at his own pace, jiggle, wiggle and mature. So that he is socially mature enough for the playground.

The response to this from friends has been quite dramatic. Approximately half support our decision (either simply from friendship or because they agree with us). The other half are almost aggressively opposed. My closest friend believes quite strongly that I'm doing the wrong thing - she believes we are limiting his educational prospects. Others say that I am selfish and part of the problem of older kids in prep.

The response from acquaintances, strangers, teachers, work colleagues has been amazingly supportive. I've lost track of the number of women who have told me they wish their sons or brothers had been given a chance to start later, had that extra chance to mature and develop before the pressure of the school system began.

But ultimately it's a family decision that you need to base on your child. Little B is a highly sociable child but he is not socially mature. He would get lost in a school playground in a heartbeat as he can be quite shy with other children. He loves to ask questions and his thirst for knowledge is amazing but in our opinion he is not ready for the grind of a school classroom.

I found the interest in my choice quite confronting at the start and felt bombarded and even a bit defensive. Even though we had thought through this decision more than any other decision in our lives so far. But now I've made peace with the interest, and so I leave you with this poem which sums up how I feel completely...

I Took His Hand and Followed

  by Mrs. Roy L. Peifer

My dishes went unwashed today,

I didn't make the bed,

I took his hand and followed

Where his eager footsteps led.

Oh yes, we went adventuring,

My little son and I...

Exploring all the great outdoors

Beneath the summer sky

We waded in a crystal stream,

We wandered through a wood...

My kitchen wasn't swept today

But life was gay and good.

We found a cool, sun-dappled glade

And now my small son knows

How Mother Bunny hides her nest,

Where jack-in-the-pulpit grows.

We watched a robin feed her young,

We climbed a sunlit hill...

Saw cloud-sheep scamper through the sky,

We plucked a daffodil.

That my house was neglected,

That I didn't brush the stairs,

In twenty years, no one on earth

Will know, or even care.

But that I've helped my little boy

To noble manhood grow,

In twenty years, the whole wide world

May look and see and know.

Some really great reading on the subject:

• Ready, set, go? How to tell if your child's ready for school and prepare them for the best start by Kathy Walker
• Nicole at Planning With Kids gives a great view on her personal experience with school readiness and how it differs between children
• Study Shows Birth Dates, School Enrolment Dates affect ADHD Diagnosis Rates -
• Raising boys is all about time by Michale Grose
• What is the best age to send your child to school?